Today's thoughts...
I never want my friends to feel like i'm "ditching" them or choosing a boy over them. that's never the case and i hate for my friends to feel that way. i got really upset last night because yesterday i was supposed to go with my best friend jaquelin to southpoint...and that never ended up happening. i was waiting on her to call and she was waiting on me to call. i've explained to my friends how busy i am and i hope they understand that i'm not trying to avoid anybody or not hang out. There's just so much on my plate at the moment that i don't wanna explain sometimes.
maybe i'm just having a hard time balancing my free time...i wanna hang out with friends, be with t, spend time with my sister, go shopping, etc. there are lots of days where i can't do any of that which sucks! i feel like a loser now lol...i don't go out and party like i used to. I'm up by 7am or 8am every morning and knowing how i am...to show my best performance and be productive when i need to be...i know i can't go out like i used to. i don't even have a summer vacation like all of my friends...i have school every day and work the days im not in school. lol some nights ill just cry from being so frustrated because i'm not on summer vacation like i'm always used to and i'm never relaxed anymore. i rarely get time to myself...and i'm ALWAYS on the go.
lol my grandfather actually called me the other day and said, "linz, you're tires are being ordered and will be here wednesday...now, you need to quit driving that damn car so much...you've put 26,000 miles on it since last june. lol" of course he wasn't really yelling at me....he was just giving me a hard time like usual.
also, i don't know if i can even go to my deb party in greenville this weekend...which i'll be so upset about. i've already begged 2 people at work and they said they were gonna be out of town on their vacation. FABULOUS...my parents are spending all this money for me to do this and i can't even switch with somebody for a day...so ridiculous. i've been trying all week and if i can't go...i'm going to be so upset. my best friend jaquelins party is before this greenville party and i'd be so pissed if i had to miss it because of tookies grill. i even told renee about this party and she said theres nothing she can do...jaquelin and i both agreed that i should look for another job and i applied to vanity and am trying to get up to charlottes today...but we'll see what happens because i can't afford not getting a call back and loosing my job i have now.
bottom line...i just hate that i can't make more time for my friends. i love them more then anything along with my family. i never want them to be mad at me or think i'm putting things above them...i'm just trying to stay focused in school and save up and maybe that's getting in the way...it'll be over in a year and i'll be done!!! i can't wait...and i'm moving and hope someone will move with me:)
i love you jaquelin aka clyde
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